Funny Dave Barry Quotes - Humorous Quotes #1

I’ve often said laughter is first among affirmations. Nothing does more for our well-being than a good laugh. Science says so and so does experience.

So, I’m beginning a series on the TAS Quotes Library featuring some of the funniest and insightful laugh-makers in the world.

The wit and wisdom consistently emanating from Dave Barry’s newspaper columns and books was so good, it was eventually turned into a TV show starring Harry Anderson.

Barry has defined a sense of humor as "a measurement of the extent to which we realize that we are trapped in a world almost totally devoid of reason. Laughter is how we express the anxiety we feel at this knowledge.”

Here are some of his best, well, at least my favorite humorous quotes.

1. We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective.

2. Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.

3. My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.

4. I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.

5. It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.

6. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.

7. Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no need to involve your brain.

8. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

9. You can say any fool thing to a dog and the dog will just give you this look that says, 'My GOSH, you're RIGHT! I NEVER would've thought of that!

10. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.

11. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.

12. Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.

13.  I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories.

14.  Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

15. Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

16. All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears - of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of falling on lobsters in the dark, of speaking before a Rotary Club, and of the words "Some Assembly Required.”

17.  It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from someone else's plate.

18. Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.

19. What I need is a search engine that, no matter what I type in, comes back with GO BACK TO WORK.

20. Eventually, everyone has to die except Elvis.

I hope these got a few endorphins going. Did I miss your favorite Dave Barry quote? Leave it in the comments below.

Ray

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