Do Affirmations Really Work? The Definitive Guide for Using Affirmations in Your Life
Absolutely. Affirmations require two things to work. You must have a desire to change your thinking and massive repetition. They are a tool used for an all-out assault on the subconscious negative thinking that's holding you back.
Conscious and Subconscious Minds
According to recent scientific analysis, 95 percent of your thinking happens in the subconscious mind. It emerges into your conscious minds as seemingly “original thoughts” that “just pop in.” In fact, many people will argue they have no control over their thoughts. Consciously, there’s truth to that. Subconsciously, it’s a different story.
Your subconscious mind is a massive vacuum sweeper constantly sucking in information from the surrounding environment. How much? Current scientific estimates are that the human mind processes about 11 million bits of information every second and the conscious mind is only aware of 40 or 50 bits.
This disparity continues moment after moment, day after day, year after year, decade after decade. The subconscious mind takes all that information and begins building models, paradigms, and habitual thinking around how the world is. Data that’s very emotionally charged, comes from trusted sources, and data that repeated over and over gets priority, as even the subconscious mind must pick and choose what to try making sense of.
So, if you spend 20 years growing up in a house where you hear over and over you’re no good; you begin to see the problem. Maybe some kid said something mean to you on the playground in third grade and you felt deep embarrassment. Maybe someone call you fat or ugly or stupid. Your subconscious mind, like an over-protective parent, holds onto these things for years and feeds them into your self-talk at just the moment to tear you down or hold you back.
Very few people have a disposition that allows them to overcome this negative unconscious bias in real time. The fact is most of us are exposed to far more fearful, limiting, and destructive ideas daily than positive. Think of the news. Think of your friends who aren’t achieving anything in their lives and want you to share their misery. Think of our political dialogue. It’s rare to find that positive voice and so we must be that positive voice for ourselves.
Affirmations and Science
Affirmations are not a magic bullet. They are a tool used consistently by someone with a strong desire to create more expansive, positive, and visionary thought habits than they have now. The person must also be committed to massive repetition.
If you Google affirmations and science, you’ll get some tepid acknowledgement that affirmations are effective to some small degree and then a bunch of articles that reference a particular 2009 study that warns that affirmations can help people who are already positive and happy but can have the opposite impact on people who are down or depressed.
Here’s an example of what I mean. Let’s say you’re a lifelong Boston Red Sox fan. You despise the New York Yankees. You have no desire to be a Yankee fan…ever. One day your approached by someone who says we’re conducting an experiment. I can turn you into a Yankee fan by having you say I am a Yankee fan repeatedly for a few minutes.
You might laugh at this analogy. We all know what the outcome would be. This is exactly what that study did. Its premise was to take people who self-reported as feeling good about themselves and people who self-reported feeling depressed. They had each group repeat aloud for four minutes, “I am lovable person.”
Each participant was then asked to describe how they felt after using the affirmations. The research concluded that happy, positive people tended to feel better after the affirmations. For those who had lower self-esteem, they agreed the affirmations were helpful. However, the reported feeling worse.
Now, for 13 years this study has been cited as evidence that affirmations are harmful for people with low self-esteem or who are depressed.
I can only say, as someone who has written, recorded, and used affirmations for over 30 years, that the folks running this study lacked a fundamental understanding of how affirmations work.
The Truth About Affirmations and Low Self-esteem
So, the only study I’ve conducted on affirmations is the one I began 30+ years ago from the depths of depression and setback. I also have spent those 30 years studying this topic in particular and the psychology and spirituality that underpins affirmations as tool putting your mind on your side.
Let’s start with the aforementioned study. Affirmations take time. They take a commitment to change the thinking that would be beneficial to change. They take massive repetition.
This study was as example of my Red Sox-Yankees scenario above. You start with people who have expressed no intent or desire to change to change the thinking that is at least part of undermining them. You have them say words in the form of an affirmation for a brief a period time and then ask them if they feel better or worse.
You know, those embedded subconscious negative thoughts didn’t show up yesterday. They’ve been there for a long time and they’re well-entrenched. A big part of people’s selfhood can be tied up in even some of the most negative self-belief. You’re not going to change that in a few minutes.
In fact, that initial response of feeling worse is quite analogous to detoxing a drug addict. When you separate them from the drugs, they are going to feel a lot worse before they feel better. However, scientific community does not dismiss detox as bad for drug addicts because they know, if you keep going, a better result is possible and the person will feel much better.
The same is true for affirmations. Saying I’m a Yankee fan for a few minutes is not going to convert a Red Sox fan. In fact, they might feel kind of yucky after the exercise. Someone with decades of low self-esteem, similarly, is not going “snap out of it” after a few affirmations. In fact, saying the words is naturally going to surface those negative thoughts and emotions. You’re probably going to feel worse before you start to feel better.
Why Most People Fail with Affirmations
That feeds right into why people fail with affirmations. Most people don’t do them long enough and consistently enough for them to do their work on the subconscious. Here are the main reasons I’ve found people quit using affirmations.
Conscious mind override - They use the affirmations a few time and the conscious mind says, “I got it. I can stop.” You must understand that affirmations are not like learning something. You don’t stop just because the conscious mind thinks it’s “learned” the information. The subconscious mind needs the massive repetition to really impact those long-held negative thoughts and beliefs.
This takes too long - we live in a world that promises and demands a quick fix. You can find videos all over YouTube promising you quick results by doing this or that. If that worked for you, I congratulate you. For most people, the work of undoing a lifetime of limiting thoughts, beliefs, and feelings takes time. Stick with your affirmations. The patience will be rewarded.
I felt worse - this is the group the study uncovered. The detox analogy is a sound one. I went through this very thing 30 years ago. I had years and years and years of negativity build up in my subconscious. When I first started using affirmations, there was very negative feelings and the negative self-talk got more intense. I kept going because I needed a change. I had that desire to change, and I was willing to do the massive repetition to achieve it.
How Affirmations Will Work for You
I can tell you from 30 years of experience that affirmations really work. They have been an immeasurable help to me in turning my life around and achieving a life that seemed impossible in those dark days. They don’t work on every problem. There are a couple of things in my life that affirmations have not helped me overcome, but they helped me to live with those things more effectively.
Desire to Change - have that strong desire to change the thinking that’s holding you back. Unless you have that desire, the affirmations will just be words and eventually fall on deaf ears.
Massive Repetition - use massive repetition to absolutely pepper your subconscious mind with these new thoughts. Thoughts that are intended to challenge and then replace the old thinking. How much repetition? This will vary from person to person. Generally, it takes someone 21-30 days to change a habit or a belief. It might be faster or take longer for you. You’ll know the affirmations are working when you hear them pop into your head in situations where the negative thought used to pop in.
Negative Thoughts vs. Negative Thinking - there’s a difference between a negative thought and negative thinking. Don’t get stuck here. Some people do. Every human being on the planet has some negative thoughts. A situation or a day gets the best of them and like profanities rolling off the tongue, the negative thoughts start rolling in. This does not mean you’ve failed. Pick up and start over the next day or the next moment. Remind yourself how important this journey is for you. Think some better thoughts. No one can eliminate all negative thoughts. The goal is to mitigate negative thinking patterns that have held you back.
Three to Five Topic Consciously - focus consciously on three to five topics at a time and really infuse your mind with affirmations to help with those topics. Your conscious mind can’t really process more than that. These can be the affirmations you say to yourself in the shower and before bed or the ones you post on your work computer to look at any time all day.
Flood Your Subconscious Mind - your subconscious mind is not as limited. It can handle the work of processing dozens or hundreds of affirmations at a time. The best way to achieve this, so you’re not in front of a mirror all day, is the record your affirmations and listen to them.
Affirmations are for everyone. Whether life is low or you’re at an all-time high, they can help you change out the thoughts you need to change out to climb to the next level in your journey.
Write a list of 100 affirmations. They can literally be affirmations for every area of your life.
Record them or have someone record them for you.
Put some soft or inspiring music on the recording.
Listen passively - while driving, working, working out, or even sleeping. This was how I achieved my initial results with affirmations. I put them on cassette tapes (I know dating me) and put the recorder on auto-repeat all night.
Your affirmations should make you feel something. Use power words and words that mean something important to you.
Use the present tense most of the time. (See these articles for more Aspirational Affirmations & Incremental Affirmations)
Write your affirmations in first person, second person, and using your name.
Negative words like but, no, not, and refuse are fine when they have power for you and add power to a positive affirmation.
How to Get Started with Affirmations
Let me start by saying that affirmations are one (very important) tool in your journey. There are others. Prayer, meditation, counseling, exercise, and many other activities can help you on your journey. If you’re ever feeling really low or suicidal, don’t wait for any of these tools to get you there. Get the professional help that can help you reach a balanced place again and then incorporate them into your journey.
I have every confidence in your ability to create affirmations, a routine for using them, and create your own results. However, if you’d like some help, I have literally hundreds of resources and recordings on this website and my YouTube channel that can help you. There are also many fantastic affirmation recordings from numerous creators on YouTube.
